Scotland: A Digest

Travelogues from the UK.

It’s a bit of an exaggeration to say that all my childhood holidays were to Scotland, but not much of one – we went there a lot. As a consequence, it’s a country I know well, but only as a tourist: I’ve never lived there, but I can guide you to having a great holiday in this friendly and surprisingly vast place.

Where To Stay and What To Know

Scotland is not England, but it is in the UK (for now)[1] – for all my foreign friends, that means that the currency is the same (though you may get some different banknotes – legal tender in both places, though some English stores don’t take them) and there are some slight deviations in law, such as different bank holidays and the right to roam across farmland, but to all intents and purposes the differences are barely noticeable as a tourist (though as a resident you would notice a fair few, in both day-to-day life and milestone moments). It’s also worth noting the difference between lowland Scotland and the highlands – for example, in public transport. It’s not impossible to get around without a car in the highlands, but it is by and large sparsely populated and therefore if you’re going anywhere except Inverness, Elgin, Leuchars or Fort William you will need to drive. The lowlands, meanwhile, are easy to do as part of a multi-stop vacation within the UK: Edinburgh and Glasgow both have airports, robust public transport, and even tour operators who will take you to other places (Scone Palace, Loch Ness) on a day trip.

My suggestion is to go self-catering for Scotland: get a rural cottage or city apartment, and enjoy setting your own timetable.

What To See And Do

Unlike my digests of cities, this cannot be a guide to a single holiday; Scotland is simply too large and these recommendations are from a lifetime of trips. Instead, these are the highlights of my time in Scotland for any traveller to cherry-pick from as desired.

Moray Firth

I have been to many lochs in my time, and this was the best due to unbeatable wildlife spotting potential. There are roughly 200 bottlenose dolphins living in the firth and a variety of whales that can be seen there. Visitors can engage with the conservation efforts and learn about the Orcas, Minke Whales and even Humpbacks that can be seen there. Rather than trying to spot the non-existent Nessie, go to the Moray Firth and find the much more observable fauna.

New Lanark

I have previously written about how much I enjoyed New Lanark – I think it’s a great museum which humanises a complex moment in British and Global history and presents a positive outlook of entrepreneurship that we can look to as a model in a challenging world. This allows you to see history through the eyes of the working classes as well as the ruling classes, and makes children grateful to be in school.

Whisky distilleries

There are many reasons to go to a distillery, the primary two that I can see being: a love of uisge beatha (‘water of life’), and an experience. If you enjoy whisky there is nowhere better in my view than Glen Garioch (pronounced Glen Geery), who produce primarily small-batch artisanal spirits, and whose sherry-aged product is, in fact, my favourite scotch due to its unusual, complex flavour. For a great, informative tour for all ages, head to Glenturret, who will tell you about Towser the cat [2] and also the history of whisky, as they claim to be Scotland’s oldest distillery [3]. Both a great time, but nominate a designated driver before going as there will be samples.

Portsoy Salmon Bothy

Originally a curing house for salmon, bothies can be found all around Scotland. Since the highland clearances sent a lot of subsistence farmers to Canada, however, [4] many of them have become essentially hiking shelters, maintained by a dedicated group of volunteers. In Portsoy the local museum maintains a historic story-telling exhibition that shares what life was like for salmon fishermen and their families.

Cairngorms Railway

The Cairngorms are a mountain range and national park – great if you like hiking, or sometimes skiing, and generally beautiful in all weather. For those who don’t love hiking, though, there is also a funicular railway! Incredible views, and much easier to get on than the Jacobite, the famous steam train which runs over the famous Glenfinnan Viaduct.

Culloden

This is a fantastic space to ramble and roam, but also incredibly informative. Learn about the history of warfare, hand-to-hand combat, and pitched battle, the brutality of the Scottish-English relationship, and this specific battle and the Jacobite rebellion. The rough terrain and sublime nature make it easy to imagine the challenges of historic warfare, and the high stakes of this particular battle are the ideal crux for learning about who, how, and why it came to be.

The Macbeth Experience, Bankfoot

This is utterly random and charming – it seems to still exist, though it was low-rent 20 years ago so I have no idea how it looks now. It’s a sort of puppet show, which explores the history of the Scottish kings and the play they inspired. I don’t remember much except everyone present laughing hysterically. Don’t go out of your way for this, but if you’re passing have yourself a good time.

Fairy Pools, Isle of Skye

Skye has it all: rugged nature, a distillery, adorable wildlife, a historic lighthouse, seasonal high-end restaurants, dinosaur tracks, literary connections, multiple castles (one of which I swear held a Christmas market / craft fair when I was there, though I can’t find any evidence that happened now) and legends of fairies entirely concocted for tourists. These pools are absolutely gorgeous, and situated as part of a very attainable hike. [5]

Golf

If you’re a fan of golf, Scotland is the home of this sport. Head to St Andrews to enjoy expansive castle-side courses and incredible views (also enjoy their excellent local cheese shop whilst you’re at it).

Glasgow

I would actually suggest a holiday in Glasgow rather than Edinburgh – the capital is lovely, but I’ve had a much better time in Glasgow and I do think there is more to see here.

• Kelvingrove Museum – and make sure you’re having a tea in the café at the time of the organ recital! It is a beautiful museum, curates really fun temporary shows, and has a lovely main collection (especially if you like Art Nouveau). It also hosts the Moving Image and Sound collection for the National Library of Scotland in a modernist building opposite.
• Botanical Gardens. I vastly prefer the ones in Glasgow to Kew for two major reasons: one, entry is free compared to the frankly extortionate cost of Kew entry; secondly, it’s a charming 30 minute walk up a nice street full of cafés and antique shops from the centre of Glasgow, not a gruelling hour-long tube-and-bus odyssey that is really quite confusing, even for locals. A great activity for the sun and the rain, as many of the Victorian glasshouses are completely encased. This was actually recommended to me by a local, and he was 100% right to send me there.
• You cannot go to Scotland without engaging with the long history of ghost stories! Whether Robert Louis Stevenson, Burke & Hare, or Deacon Brodie (all associated with Edinburgh [6]) there is a lot of creepiness and horror to be found – so why not let The Friends of Glasgow Necropolis tour you around their city’s history of death?
• For a similar experience to New Lanark based in the city, try the tenement house museum – I myself have never been, but it has a similar aim of contextualising local history and demonstrating the power of wealth equality. I would very much like to see it.
• I do not like football, but it is distinctively British, and it’s a big part of Glasgow life. Very broadly, Celtic (pronounced sell-tick) are the green-and-white striped shirts that represent the Catholic and immigrant population, and Rangers are the blue team who represent Protestant Scots and Ulster Scots (therefore would also be associated more with England). Do not joke about the rivalry, it still occasionally explodes into violence and fuels sectarian tensions within the city. I would recommend a tour of one of the stadiums, if you’re interested in sports or social history, but I cannot tell you which one to go to. [7]

Souvenirs

• Baxters Soup. I actually really recommend their Speyside factory (very near the Moray Firth) which is a great day out and has a lovely café, but their product primarily comes canned and is therefore ideal for travelling. Get yourself some Scotch Broth, Cullen Skink or Mulligatawny to take home (though my favourite of theirs is probably spiced parsnip… or one of the broths). It’s a high-quality, everyday product that you can happily give as a gift or keep for yourself.
• Talisker. I know I said above that another whisky is my favourite, but I recommend Talisker above it as a souvenir for two reasons: firstly, it’s a more typically Scottish product, with a peaty flavour and clean finish; secondly, it’s significantly cheaper and much more drinkable. Talisker is still premium, but of the kind you can also buy in bars and supermarkets, so if you get into it then you can continue to enjoy it.
• Tartan / paisley. Although ‘clan tartans’ were an invention of the 19th century [8], they’re still fun. I would simply recommend buying the one you like most and suits your style, and in something more wearable than a kilt (you will never take it out of your wardrobe, trust. get a scarf instead.) Similarly, paisley was inspired by the import of Indian fabrics through Aberdeen or Greenock / Paisley in the 19th century – although it’s not originally Scottish, the UK’s imitation version came from here.
• Tunnock’s. These are a biscuit (?) manufacturer – they make teacakes (marshmallow on a biscuit base, enrobed in chocolate) and caramel wafers and they are DELIGHTFUL. Buy as many as you can fit in your luggage.
• A sheepskin. This is an expensive souvenir, but a proper sheepskin will last you literally years and be incredibly soft and fluffy the whole time.

What To Eat

Seafood. Fresh scallops (the best are double-dived from Sconser, on the Isle of Skye), salmon and trout (smoked or fresh) and mussels are quintessentially Scottish, and do yourself a favour and have an Arbroath Smokie for breakfast (with toast and a thick, malty tea).

Venison. Personally, I am not a game fan, but it must needs be remarked that Scotland is haven for game. Whether (famous) grouse, partridge, deer, or other wild-roaming meats and poultry, make sure you eat something free-range and wild whilst you’re visiting.

Fried food. It’s is a standard joke in the UK that Scottish people are incredibly unhealthy: they have the lowest consumption of fruit & veg per capita, and many of their foods are famously deep fried: pizza, mars bars, saveloy sausages [9]. Get to a chippy, eat something greasy; it kind of doesn’t matter what it is.

Irn-Bru. (pronounced Iron Brew but not spelled that way for legal reasons). This is the traditional drink of Scotland, and is still manufactured by Barr’s, a small(ish) Scottish brand. Irn-Bru is aggressively coloured and peculiar tasting, but delicious. A word to the wise, though: don’t get the diet kind, it has an acrid finish.

Buckfast. Buckfast is ‘tonic wine’ (aka fortified wine) originally made by monks and is the other typical drink of Scotland. It is very cheap and very alcoholic – I would not say it is nice, and it has largely gone out of fashion over the course of my lifetime, but I will always associate it with Scottish nightlife.

Haggis. Look, you’re put off by the idea of it, and that’s fine – there’s a vegetarian version that’s all oats and no pluck. If you can, though, try it: when I was veggie a haggis was typically the main on my Sunday roast, so I can heartily recommend it served this way, especially if you have to serve multiple dietary requirements as they’re very easy to prepare. Any squeamish person should note nose-to-tail is the kindest way to carnivore, and that the flavour is mainly of pepper anyway.

Oatcakes. I personally prefer my oatcakes Staffordshire style, but I do more regularly eat the Nairn’s Scottish ones. Anything with oats would be considered Scottish in the (southern) UK [10] so porridge (traditionally made with water rather than milk and seasoned with salt in Scotland, though I am confident that’s not true nowadays since we’re not in privation, and I bet most people will eat it with a hearty spoonful of golden syrup), skirlie (kind of a savoury fried porridge), brose (immortalised by Robert Burns), cranachan (kind of like porridge trifle) would all be fun things to try, but they’re unlikely to be on a standard gastropub’s menu, unlike cheese and oatcakes. It’s also come to my attention that flapjacks are pancakes in America [11] but since flapjacks are just a good snack I won’t consider them ‘Scottish’ so much as ‘something you should buy in a British train station to fuel your journey’. Get a bakewell tart one or some other dynamic flavour.

Scottish breakfast. Much the same as a full English, but with more meats: black pudding and Lorne sausage are essential additions, but you may also find a tattie scone alongside the traditional sausage, egg, bacon, baked beans, hash browns, and maybe a grilled mushroom or tomato. In my (humble) experience, you’re also more likely to get a fried slice (ie deep fried bread) in Scotland than you are in the UK these days – if that’s on offer, definitely get one.

Footnotes

[1] I do and always did support their secession. I was in fact the editor of the only English magazine that officially supported Scottish Independence in 2014 (it was my uni paper and it gave me a mild menty b – two jobs and a hobby is my limit, this knowledge is hard-won)

[2] I used to have her on a t-shirt

[3] though I am sure I have been to at least three that make this or a similar claim – much like ‘the oldest pub in London’ this is a very tourist-friendly claim that’s very hard to prove and has a number of caveats that mean many ‘oldest’ can operate simultaneously

[4] British history fucken sucks, it’s a long line of rich people from England going to other places to exploit the locals of literally anywhere else and complaining about the food.

[5] I got engaged on the Isle of Skye and may have some bias. It was wonderful, well done now-husband.

[6] Most disappointing thing I have ever done on a holiday was a ‘ghost bus’ at the Edinburgh fringe. I made my party go, talking a big game about all these famous and true ghost stories, but it transpired to be some actors driving around Edinburgh trying to scare us. Give me FACTS!

[7] as somebody from an Irish-Catholic family on one side and whose cousin on the other is married to a Glaswegian with a strong preference for Celtic, I suppose I should, though… plus, Celtic is rated higher on trip advisor and is nearer the city centre.

[8] and because nothing is ever easy, my alleged family allegedly has two: this one and this one.

[9] you can and should get a battered saveloy in England, too. I am partial to them with curry sauce.

[10] up north we were poorer and used oats as filler for cakes and that

[11] respectfully, what the fuck? are you Flight of the Conchords trying to make some kind of flip joke?

On This Topic:

• I appreciate Lucy for showing me the Tenement House.
• Respect to Eric Dunning for his contributions to the field of cultural studies.
• Shoutout to Bruce Fummey for his knowledge and love for Scottish history.

To-Do:

• PhD work
• stop trolling A about secret holiday destination (I told him we’re going to Ibiza)
• Get nails done. I think I may have cracked one under the gels, so it’s back to BIAB.

Today’s Culture:

• One cannot recommend Scottish culture without the seminal recording of the Scottish poet: Eddi Reader singing Robert Burns.
• One cannot make a Flight of the Conchords without inadvertently getting this stuck in their head.
• One cannot simply not mention PRIDE MONTH. I am loving all the sapphic history content that I’m seeing, even if I’m not really posting it myself.