“imagine having the confidence of…”

NO.

Ah, mediocre white men. The keepers of audacity, the bestowers of worth, the presenters of… themselves. The butt of the old internet joke imploring us to “carry yourself with the confidence of…” which is, of course, based in fact: white men will apply for jobs they’re not qualified for, genuinely believe they could beat Serena Williams at tennis or Rhonda Rousey in a fight, and confidently state they do half the household chores at statistically higher rates than the rest of us. It must be refreshing, to live in a world that doesn’t stifle you and – at least intermittently – rewards your efforts and acknowledges your pain. [1] I can absolutely see why this is a joke that has passed into mythology – and I can see why it might have marinated in the minds of young women and people of colour until they think… what would happen if I DID carry myself like the world owed me something?

Let me be clear, this is not some fluffy ‘feminine energy is calm and therefore better’ post. There is no inherent difference in men’s and women’s behaviour beyond how we are socialised, and I am not here to gratify the girlboss in you. Neither am I able to comment on the racialised aspect of this trope – in my ideal world, people of colour can embody the energy of their heritage and community however they like and succeed at the same rate as white people, but I wouldn’t presume to comment on a community I’m not part of. No, what I am here to reject is the scourge of the internet, the workplace, and the family – mediocrity.

Do you want to start a podcast? Maybe reconsider. There are enough podcasts. We will all get by without your podcast.

Mediocre confident people are making the world worse. They do things like drive you away from them on the train by disregarding your existence, and then use the empty space you left to put their feet on the seats. Mediocre confident people are walking around with the fervent belief that their opinion matters en masse simply because they hold it – and I am here to say that it is perfectly reasonable to hold an opinion, for it to matter to you, and for you to hold that opinion based on nothing beyond preference… but it doesn’t need to be shared. Professional opinion-havers – usually reviewers for things like restaurants, music, or theatre – base their reviews partially in personal preference, but also use their knowledge of the industry, context, and skill to try and signpost whether the output will be something you enjoy. We call them tastemakers, yes, but their reviews are subject to interpretation and their opinions curated for the audience, taking into account what the product should be.

The world would be a better place with less misplaced confidence and more learned confidence. More quiet confidence, that doesn’t assert itself over you but says ‘hmmm interesting’ if you disagree and tries to see things your way and to see if that changes the interpretation.

To make myself more clear: I want you to start your podcast. I want you to bootstrap your way into whatever you’re passionate about, to crowbar the door open and announce yourself with joy and confidence… but I want your passion. I don’t want ‘three bros in a room’ podcast energy from you any more than I want it from the men, and I don’t think it’s wrong to chase this idealism. We must acknowledge the difference in ‘I have a shitty mic and a dream’, where you’re driven by your vision and perspective and knowledge, and ‘let me tell you how to think, how to be more like me’. ‘Reconsider’ does not mean ‘stop’. ‘Reconsider’ means to learn more, to be ready and considered in your voice before starting, to understand who and what you are. I want you to have confidence in your ACTIONS not your inherent SELF – for your actions to reflect a self you feel neutral about or whose selfhood does not impose on others. We might get by without your podcast, but if you make something that isn’t generic, isn’t the same as everybody else’s product… that’s art, baby. That’s a fresh viewpoint we can choose to engage with, not the regurgitation of what you’re supposed to think.

Be yourself is great advice, but I’d like to extend it: be, simply be yourself. Carry yourself like you deserve respect, but not like you deserve somebody else’s time or space. This perspective is useful for everything from creating to dating – to be is not to impose, and as we go around being let’s extend others the grace of allowing themselves to simply be. Don’t talk on the phone loudly on the bus, don’t yuck someone’s yum, don’t insert yourself unbidden into somebody’s being of themselves. We can still create mediocre things [2] and be mediocre people, but the kind of mediocre people who might yet blossom, or simply enjoy their mediocrity. Revel in your mediocre selfhood… but unlike the confident, mediocre white man of comedic lore, don’t be in somebody else’s being.

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[1] I am a middle-class white woman who went to an all-girls school and can confirm that it absolutely does wonders for your Id to form your frontal cortex in a space that values your inherent personhood and removes as many barriers as possible between you and achievement.

[2] lol look at me go, let’s not pretend this is my best work.

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On This Topic:

• I literally wear a perfume called ‘Eau The Audacity‘ because I have a sense of humour and joy, as well as a carefully honed appreciation of refined tastes.
• I forgive you for your mediocrity.
• Oh just read somebody else’s article, idk.

To-Do:

• Girl I just wrote like 5000 words of continental philosophy in a week, maybe I don’t need to do right now.
• Get ready for transfer panel
• Talk to people!!!

Today’s Culture:

• Not talking to people.
• I just got two washi tape holders and they’re not life changing but they are making my handbag lighter.
• New Lucy Dacus is always a moment to celebrate, even when I have the physical release already and am just putting this one into my playlists.