November is for gift guides.

November is for gift guides. I always want these proposed Christmas lists to come out earlier rather than later to give you time to actually buy them: either to go to the store and get them, or to get them shipped and wrapped in plenty of time; to give you time with the Black Friday sales, time to prep and get the right things at the right price. This year, the whole month of November on Late Romantic dot com will be dedicated to gift guides so that you can bookmark them for later and shop as you need. The categories are deeply specific to reflect modern life, yet are targeted at people that never seem to make it to the mainstream magazines or broadsheet pullouts. These situations will most likely be in your life and the items are designed to be widely applicable. Every Thursday this month, there will be a fresh list of things you can buy for your loved ones, and hopefully you can thus have a stress-free season safe in the knowledge that everyone will enjoy their gifts.

A Gifting Philosophy:

The aim of gifting, to my eyes, is to buy something wanted but not considered. A gift should be a welcome surprise or something that feels natural. Don’t buy something you think they should want or you want them to like, and instead focus on what they might buy for themselves if money were no object. As such, these lists are jumping-off points, designed to inspire you and choose the right thing, though you should feel free to take my suggestions verbatim if they’re right.

I do not like gift lists. Not at weddings, not at birthdays, and not during the holiday season. If somebody has something specific they want, I would rather give them cash, as they will probably have a colour, style, size in mind and should be free to prioritise what they want, shop deals etc. There is no shame in buying vouchers or giving cash if somebody has specific needs and wants, and to my mind this is better than an ill-chosen gift. Let the gifting philosophy of ‘wanted but not considered’ guide you, and if you can’t think of anything, just give a monetary gift. It’s not as fun, but it’s much more in the spirit of generosity than filling the charity shops ready for New Year’s.

Some general gifting tips:

• Plan ahead. If you have gifting in mind for a couple of months, you’re more likely to spot the perfect thing or come up with an idea that people actually want rather than panicking and buying because you should. It also gives you the opportunity to keep your eyes out for the sales – let’s be pragmatic, and recognise you probably have a lot of expenses around this time of year.
• It can be helpful to have themed years – this year, everyone you love gets some self-care personalised for their particular habits, or decadence – something they wouldn’t buy themselves, something useless and beautiful.
• A ‘generic’ nice gift can be wonderful – bath smellies, bottles of wine or boxes of chocs can be given to anybody and are always well-received – in my experience, even a teetotaller will value a nice bottle from somebody who wasn’t to know better. After all, isn’t it the thought that counts? The rule of thumb for this kind of thing is ‘can they regift it or consume it after Christmas?’ This means they’re going to perceive it as quality and not burdensome, giving them the choice of ‘is this my choice of scent / flavour?’ alongside the freedom to keep it to one side until the seasonal excesses are over, enjoying it more.
• If nothing has struck the right chord with me by the beginning of December, that person gets a consumable. Food, drink, bath stuff – consumables are much more broadly useful, as they are, by necessity, only used once, so don’t sit in a cupboard or on the coffee table until they find a home.
• Don’t check if they’ve enjoyed it: give the freedom to regift. The nicest gifts are sometimes even better shared. Sorry if you ever bought me or my partner a bottle of wine or champagne – we take them to friends’ houses to share rather than having a decadent night in ourselves, or maybe that book was loved so much they thought of someone… and, it’s fair to say, not all gifts will be 100% perfect. Accept it, and enjoy the act of gifting for its own sake.
• Especially if budgets are tight, make as many ’round robins’ or gift pacts as you can. It’s OK to talk to your siblings and set a price limit on gifting, and low limits can be a fun challenge! If you have a group who are all friends with one another, suggest a secret santa! Most people would rather have – and buy – one good gift than lots of little tchotskes.

Things to avoid in general gifting:

• Electronics and clothes, especially cheap ones. Unless you’re sure the person wants something (in which case, buy whatever’s in your budget) then don’t bulk out with these, as these industries produce a lot of waste, pollution and are broadly staffed by slave labour. We live in the modern world and there’s no undoing that as an individual, so don’t feel bad about it… but only buy what’s needed to avoid making the planet worse.
• Novelties and stocking fillers. You’re spending on filler gifts that nobody wants. If you want to do stockings, you could fill them with only Quality Streets, pop useful things like soaps and beard cleaner into them, or just get big-ish ones and pop your regular gifts in there. Honestly, I would put cracker gifts in this category too – look on the back to see what prizes come in the crackers to prevent people having a puzzle that’s never used or a shitty plastic soldier toy. It’ll be in the trash by 4pm on the 25th.
• Unless somebody has explicitly said they collect something or always want more of it, avoid buying something you see them in a lot. Nobody needs five christmas sweaters, even if they wear them to work, or hundreds of pyjamas (unless they are me, give me more pyjamas, let me drown in pyjamas), and you run the risk of getting them something they love but that is a bit of a burden.
• Choosing colours. If you want to get something colourful – whether it’s a cushion or some gorgeous Pat McGrath christmas set – get it in colours you know the giftee has already to avoid running the risk of getting something gorgeous that they love but can only wear once in a blue moon because their clothes don’t match it, or being thrown on the guest bed because it doesn’t go with the rest of their interior décor.

OK, so let’s introduce the format: four ideas and a book for each category.

Your In-Laws

Your Friend’s Bilingual Kid

The Person You’re Saving for a House With

The Co-Worker You’re… Friends? With Now

A Friend Who’s in a Different Financial Situation To You

What do I want for Xmas?

I am the least important person here, but I am always fascinated by what others want. At the bottom are some more examples of excellent gift-list-writers, may you be inspired by their passions.

• Merch of my favourite musicians – get me Taylor Swift pyjamas, Lana del Rey notebooks, pin badges with Panic! lyrics or CDs from artists I’ve discovered in my Spotify era, like Chappell Roan, Hozier, Caroline Polachek, The National, and Maggie Rogers. This also applies to books and movies – I will gladly wear The Love Witch on a tote bag or hang up an art print of Anton Walbrook, if Etsy can furnish you with such a thing. Literally just search Etsy for something you think I like – a technique applicable to all your giftees.
• Theatre, museum or cinema tickets. For the last few years my in-laws have got me the ballet for Christmas and it’s a wonderful day out with my mother-in-law, but there’s SO many ‘must see’ events in London that I’d be thrilled with a voucher or a ticket. Bonus points if you can bag vouchers for a particular theatre or production company so that the money isn’t just going to Cameron Mackintosh or if there’s an upcoming exhibition you know I’ll be interested in.
• Things that will be useful throughout the year: blue Parker ink cartridges, skincare and makeup (not eyeshadow or lipstick as those things often come in gifts and thus, like many people I imagine, I have more than I need), plain white dress shirts, tights… things that are generally a pain when I have to buy them. If you’re buying an expensive gift, go practical, honestly. Buy me oatmeal-coloured socks I can wear with my brogues or an eyebrow gel from any concession in Selfridge’s, because even if you get it a bit wrong I can use it and appreciate it and it will save me time, energy and money – an ideal outcome for a gift.
• Teekanne teas. I got really into them when I was living in Germany and you can’t easily buy them in the UK, so if you could get these into my stocking I would be thrilled. If your giftee is from another region or has spent time elsewhere, it can’t hurt to buy them a home comfort in the form of a brand they don’t sell or is hard to find where they live.
• THE BOOK: let’s be real, I want a million books. All I want is books. What I really want, though, is for you to find something you think I’d love, whether it’s an old favourite you want to share with me or a newly published book that made you think of me. Solid choices, though, are contemporary poetry and beautiful books from The Folio Society, which I rarely pick up for myself but love, or a hefty non-fiction tome on topics that interest me.

On This Topic – other gift guides:

• I love Rachel Syme, and she always has such insightful guides in The New Yorker. Start here, and work towards the more recent ones.
• For a somewhat aspirational approach to holiday spending, you can’t beat the FT. It’s probably out of your budget, but it’s full of nice ideas.
• If it were up to me (and it is, so this is very much how it went last year) I would buy everything in a bookshop. Try the Foyle’s site for books, games, toys et cetera, as it’s very easy to navigate and reasonably priced.

To-Do:

• Can I pass my driving test before I go back to Wales for the holidays? It would be great if I could make myself useful…
• Go a month without makeup to let my skin breathe before Christmas party season begins… but then, it is my birthday, and I am a haggard old woman now.
• Make New Year’s plans. Can I avoid them being expensive and tiring?

Today’s Culture:

• Is it mince pie time yet? If I am writing xmas gift guides, I feel I ought to be allowed a mince pie.
• I still do work out over Christmas, though quietly. Yoga With Bird is my companion for this.
• What’s on in Cardiff over the festive season? I’ll be in Wales, so it’s nice to check this area for fun things to do and see.