An Update on the Fantasy Dinner Party Game

We have all played the ‘fantasy dinner party’ game, where you decide which famous people, living or dead, fictional or real, you would like to chat with. Who would you split a civilised meal and a bottle of wine with if you had all of history to choose from? I want to know, though – why is it always civilised? I want to know who you’d pick to really go wild with, who’d derail any chance of work in the morning, which people you’re picking to hang out with all night. So here’s the game: pick 5 people to have pres with, to keep in your posse for a big night out. Which famous people will fill you with total abandon and will combine into the kind of night out you want to have?

Charli XCX

This seems obvious. Charli is the public face of parties, of the party lifestyle, of being born to party. Charli is confidence – ‘You KNOW that dress will look better without a bra, don’t be so uptight,’ she’ll say. ‘Wait, your winged eyeliner needs to be BIGGER,’ she’ll say, and you won’t look like yourself by the time she’s done, but you’ll look great. If you’re sitting on the sidelines, Charli will get some Whitney on the stereo and drag you up. You’ll feel awkward around her at first, but she’ll just tell you, ‘bitch, you remember this song’ and within a couple of minutes you’ll be copying her high-octane dance moves and laughing. She was the first person to get to your flat, bringing a bottle of something weird from the offy and no change of clothes – she’ll just change up her work outfit like it’s your year 10 school uniform, and look so intentional in it.

Tilda Swinton

Tilda knows everyone. She’s welcome at the underground queer spots and the high fashion places and the places in Berlin that are open all night and you just dance. Tilda’s power is in her uniqueness – Derek Jarman saw it, Bruno Sialelli sees it, and you will feel it when her ‘I don’t give a fuck’ energy radiates at pres. She’ll turn up wearing jeans made of orange peels and an oversized white shirt and at first you won’t believe it, but you’ll split a bottle of wine with the crew and by the time you’ve looked at it more you’ll think, ‘yeah, fashion IS too samey, I think I will wear the blue lipstick I bought in 2017 and am too afraid to go out in’. Tilda will get to the club and know somebody, they’ll do incredibly posh cheek kisses and you’ll feel comfortable and confident where before you were self-conscious of people judging your dance moves.

Cecil Beaton / Contrapoints / Luisa Casati

Every party needs somebody to take it a little too seriously. All of these guys would give it a theme, mix all the drinks with some flourish, and make you pose for photos before you got too turnt – at the time you’ll think the full photoshoot is too much, but then you’ll look through your camera roll in the morning and be glad you have something better than blurred, pouty selfies. Even the taxi that took you all to the club will match the theme, and you’ll all feel like fancy bitches, synchronised like a K-pop group – unique yet coherent, a few too many accessories, but so much fun – and they’ll make sure your whole group is included, and having a great time. You might think presenting the DJ with a full set that runs the gamut from Beethoven to SOPHIE is too much, until you see even strangers bumping to a Mozart remix. ‘You know what’, you’ll think, ‘maybe it’s not pretentious?’ It definitely IS pretentious, but being a poseur is fun. You are the construct now. Partying is an art. Did this cheap club have an ice sculpture before? How in the hell did you get one from Uber Eats?? If your eyeliner smudges, they’ll have your back, dragging you into the bathroom to fix it and keeping you up to a high standard of party etiquette, literally handing you a ‘thank-you’ in their sunglasses at brunch the next day. So extra.

Josephine Baker

Some people just have ‘it’. Some people have chaotic, fun energy, some people are followed by the party. Josephine is the person who would wear a live banana snake and Balenciaga trainers to club, but even if she came in the clothes she wore to the office she’d have heads turning, radiating pure hottie energy. Josephine would wind, balletic and modernist, to anything, and is so cool the DJ would ask her what to play. Still, though, she’s all about love, and even whilst poledancing in a Soho basement would smile and reach out to her friends, somehow buoying you all up with her powerful presence and making you seem cool by association. Plus, nobody would try to join your posse – she’s much to intimidating. Tonight is about having fun with your fantasy friends, not about meeting new people.

Slavoj Zizek

A sane and educated person might say, ‘why do you want to party with Slavoj Zizek?’ and the answer is – you’re a narrowminded fool if you don’t see the power of balance, especially in a group like this one, so full of big personalities and commitment to the party. You could get burnt out. Slavoj is here to represent a crucial person on any big night out, a role I have often played myself: the person who makes you get back up when you sit down. You need a rest so you head to the smoking area, and there’s Zizek, talking about a Raymond Williamsian reading of Elon Musk. ‘I’m not even starting on this’ you think, and go back and dance. You go back to your booth for a sit-down, thinking about refreshing your drink, and there’s Zizek. ‘I love this song!’ you say. ‘Ah,’ he says, ‘but don’t you know about the hegemonic approach to economic models ABBA represent? Have you considered…’ ‘Slavoj, you cannot ruin ABBA, they are too powerful’ you say, and leave the booth backwards, throwing 70s arms all the way. He yells ‘I am a dancing queen too!’ after you, and when your whole group sits down after the megamix there is a round of shots on the table – Slavoj loves to share but is unmoved by how passionately some people hate sambuca. Other people drop off, head home, but Slavoj is out until 4am, never looking more tired than he did at 8pm in the taxi. He makes friends with some guy in the smoking area and gets you invited to a weird house party connected with the music school in Kensington. No night out can be comprised solely of hot people – you need an intense gremlin with no fashion sense in the back (me) to keep you all authentic and drive weird, cool shit to happen.

On This Topic:

• Babe I have nothing to say on the subject of parties because I don’t go out… idk, here’s a look at Tilda’s style,
• A Charli XCX video,
• And a documentary about Josephine Baker.

To-Do:

• SPS competition, event and panel organising. Call your friends!!
• Call parents too!!
• Get back to cycling

Today’s Culture:

• The Green Day cover of Alison might even be better than the Everything But The Girl one?? I love it so much.
• The Sorted Sidekick app is our attempt to wrestle control over last week’s chore worries – we do seem to be spending less and eating well, so that’s nice.
• Going back to the office: I feel like I have more control over my routine than I did when I was WFH before my holiday (although it’s great to have the flexibility, and I have been taking full advantage)