Giving Up The Ghosts of a Previous Year

2022 Wrap-Up

2022 has been so much. It has been the year I stood up for my worth at work and found my value; it has been a year of Sylvia Plath and friendships founded on her legacy; the year I put my PhD on hold to focus on other work (awaiting publication, return to my studies scheduled for this coming year); a year of letter-writing and journalling and, as ever, not calling people back. Once again, it has been a year of growth and self-assessment, and New Year’s is the time to establish not only which direction I want to keep travelling but also look back and see how far I’ve managed to come.

Have I met my previous goal?

Last year, my goals were focussed on enjoying my work and enjoying my physical presence in the world. I feel in some respects like I haven’t done enough, but I also have to recognise that I’ve prioritised effectively and continue to live a life I enjoy, so my ultimate goal has been met. Reflecting on each goal takes more than a simple ‘yes / no’ binary because of this.

• Enjoy my work

What is work? Is it this, Late Romantic articles and poems? Is it my PhD? Is it my job that I go to every day? I continue to enjoy the relationships I forged at work, have had a fruitful year of poem-writing and always love going to the library to lose myself in my work. Although my PhD has been put on hold (I will pick back up in March ready for matriculation in the summer), I am continuing to speak and research and meet people through academia, though I’m not sure it’s accurate to say I’m enjoying a process that currently appears to have no end in an industry in such dire straights. I enjoy my own work for its own sake, but it causes me an immense amount of worry that I am only able to ignore by diversifying my work and what it means to me.

• Engage with hobbies:

This got half-done and then put on hold because my friend gave me a sewing machine that I never went to collect. In December I said I’d finish a cross-stitch I began in March, but I didn’t travel with it and haven’t finished a single craft project this whole year. This is what I have de-prioritised: I have been playing video games to relax and reading for quiet time, so the time I might have been sewing or knitting has been used for something else.

• Engage with hobbies: Read one non-work book a month

This has been met and relished. I have read 19 books and the year is not quite over, I may have time to finish another one or two. The books I have read have been diverse in length and canonical status, and it has made my life better to meet this goal. It’s one I’ll be carrying forward for sure, as I don’t think it was either too high or too low.

• Become size 12

This is another goal with a complicated outcome. I’ve gained before losing weight this year, and my final status is that I seem to be fitting in new size 12s but not my old clothes, which was the aim. Equally, I have been focussed on yoga and cycling, and my body is fitter and stronger than it was going into 2022, so the principle has been abided by. I’m still hoping to fit into my old clothes before my 30th in November, but the more important thing is to maintain my fitness and continue to create the body that I want.

• Dress smartly

This is something I have definitely stuck by: although I do now own jeans, they are neat and simple, and I have even begun wearing heels again.

• Use skincare

This I have not stuck by. The skincare I got for Christmas didn’t turn out to agree with me, so I will need to research before I find one that does work for me.

• Wear lipstick

This is an easy goal and one that has brought me joy. I will be taking it into next year as a positive change in attitude.

• Be tidy

This is a nebulous goal, one that I can’t say for sure if I’ve met. It’s certainly one that I’ll continue working on, trying to live in a better space.

• Take care of possessions

I haven’t really thrown anything away this year from mal-use, so I suppose this goal has been met. Again, it’s an awareness I want to take into the next year to protect and appreciate my possessions, so whilst it’s very hard to measure it’s a good attitude to keep.

Last year I wrote: If I must burn out, or have things fall at the wayside, let it be because of my choices and my own desires rather than the things that are given to me to care about. Let me choose my leisure and my work. Let my fight with life be for things that I want, and let my sword rest at the excess. I am hoping, once again, to stick by this: I have been tired and grumpy at times, but building a life I enjoy and that sets me up for a life I want is my aim.

2023 Manifestations

I don’t want to put too much on my plate, so this year’s aims are things I can choose daily. They are goals which remind me that life is a slow push forward, that improvement is constant, and that I am in a position I want to be in and simply need to continue. My 2023 manifestations are to continue things I have begun, finish what I am able, and work on wading forwards with my eyes on what I want to build and how I want to grow.

• Give up social media

Social media is the great ill of our society and Twitter is my personal poison. I’m hoping to spend less time scrolling and more actively choose how my time is spent.

• Rock music revival

I have spent the last few years as a pop girlie, and I have always loved pop, but making a playlist of the songs that always make me stop what I’m doing and say ‘OMG I LOVE THIS ONE’ showed me that the music closest to my heart is varying kinds of rock. This year I want to make the choice to not simply listen to the one or two artists at the top of my feed, ad infinitum, or even to push myself to discover new artists, but to go back to the music I have loved in the past and find a new way of browsing the endless content at my fingertips.

• Friendship

One of the best things about this year has been my Finer Things Club – chatting with friends every Wednesday, sometimes meeting one or two of them for drinks separately, generally having an actual friend group. This holiday season I’ve focussed on my friends, sending long letters and gifts all over, and I want to keep that going.

• Drive on a road

Now that I’m learning to drive I want to push myself forward but not to a ridiculous extent. I want to push myself enough to keep it going, but not enough to make myself a bad driver. Upgrading from a few turns around a carpark to driving on a road seems like a doable transition.

• Finishing

The ultimate aim this year is to keep going with the projects that are important to me, and to keep the finish line in mind at all times. Is what I’m doing going to help me get to the next waypoint on my journey? What do I need to do to finish this piece of writing, talk, or research opportunity? Even if I don’t make it to the end of a project, knowing that I’m closer and I’ve done what I can to progress has a value and allows me to work confidently and lets each bit of work feed into my career.

• Carried from last year: be tidy, take care of possessions, wear lipstick. Just to care for myself and my surroundings.

On This Topic:

• Try a theme, not a resolution, for New Year’s?
• Those favourite songs to bop along to
• Follow my reading journey and log your own

To-Do:

• Book days in Jan off work
• Write chapters of longform fiction work
• Plath Society New Year’s Thing

Today’s Culture:

• Fluffy slippers. ‘Tis the season for staying in the house, and my feet are toasty warm.
• Taylor Swift pyjamas – cosy version and classic version are both mine.
• Bombay mix is a Christmas staple and I will die on this hill. Just get a bag of Bombay mix and thank me later (only buy an Indian brand, though – the supermarket kinds are not as good)